


The Echo of Your Absence

by EnigmaticPerfection



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Arrow (TV 2012) Season 1, Canon Compliant, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, F/M, Friendship, Longing, Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak Unresolved Sexual Tension, POV Oliver Queen, Pining, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:26:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27010435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnigmaticPerfection/pseuds/EnigmaticPerfection
Summary: Walter Steele was found, which means the end of Felicity's partnership with Oliver. And he is struggling with the thought of not having her around anymore.(Set between 1x21 and 1x22)
Relationships: Oliver Queen & Felicity Smoak, Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak
Comments: 29
Kudos: 112





	The Echo of Your Absence

**Author's Note:**

> Found this fic lost in my folder and decided to post it. This was supposed to be the first part of a shortfic inspired by Oliver's epic line "My only regret is not telling you I loved you sooner" in which I'd present 5 scenario where he could've told her sooner, but I never wrote the other 4 scenarios lol
> 
> Felicity said in 1x14 she'd only stay to find other, but we all knew this wasn't the case. I always wanted a scene where they talked about it, so I decided to write.
> 
> English is not my native language, sorry for the mistakes.  
> Kudos/comments always appreciated!

_“I’ll help you rescue him, but that’s it. Then I want to go back to my boring life of being an IT girl.”_ The words echoed in Oliver’s mind the moment Felicity walked into the room.

Walter Steele was safe, which meant she would no longer help the Hood.

Felicity would go away.

Understanding hit Oliver like a derailed train crashing. The feeling was way more intense than he expected.

A knot settled in his chest. The neutral, calm expression he kept cracked. Was it… sadness? No, it couldn’t be. Impossible. He pressed his lips in a tight line, held a sigh and lowered his face to the ground. Without having much control of his actions, his eyes moved up back to her. He stared at her not hiding the weight of his gaze as she looked at Thea, Moira and Walter tangled in an embrace, a ghost of a sweet smile on the corner of her pink-colored lips. Felicity and her bright, colorful lipsticks.

Felicity met his gaze, still smiling, and he averted again, as if suddenly he couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t see her, but felt it. Felt her walking away, leaving the room…

Leaving his life.

She fulfilled her part of the deal and now she would go back to her normal life.

Oliver remained frozen, divided between staying there, simply letting her go and going after her to thank, to say something, to give her an actual farewell. After all, for two and a half months she officially was part of his team.

But in the end he stood there, stuck and immobile. Confused. Surprised with the extension and depth of his reaction to her departure. Surprised he was struggling with it.

When Oliver at last left the room, she was no longer at the hospital. Obviously. He returned to the mansion with his sister, leaving Moira behind with her husband. Which was good because he was still processing the fact that his mother was involved in some dark, criminal plot. However the monotony of the family manor was too much to handle and it didn’t help settling his thoughts, and he found himself going to the factory. He hoped working out and training would bring back the sharp, clinical focus he needed now more than ever.

But of course it didn’t. He should’ve known the moment the idea surged. The second he turned on the lights, his eyes met the chair and the computers. Felicity’s domain, that would no longer be occupied by her.

For weeks her presence was a certainty at the factory. And, standing here now, reliving memories, he realized how much the atmosphere of the place changed throughout this time.

Before it was just him and Diggle. His bodyguard, serious, centered and with an annoying fondness of giving philosophical speeches. Him, a broken, stoic man, addicted to adrenaline because it was a form of escapism of his past and sins and at the same time the only way to deal with the darkness and mess that was left of who he was after five years in hell.

And then came Felicity Smoak with her computers. Her babble, which had the all the reasons to annoy him, but incredibly didn’t. Quite the contrary, it was… fun, and he didn’t mind. He wouldn’t admit he enjoyed it. Her comments that went from their operation to random curious facts he had no idea how she learned them in an extraordinary pace. Her colorful, feminine clothes in contrast with the monochrome of grey and black and other dark shades that composed the lair, his mission and his soul. Her blonde hair and blue eyes that, unlike his, sparkled and beamed vivacity, intelligence and energy, even innocence in a certain way. She had a carefree laugh, such a pure sound he had never heard before. Felicity made laughing the easiest, most endearing thing in the world. Her mannerisms and quirks, like when she crinkled her brow when she was concentrated or puzzled with a mystery or some algorithm to which she needed the answer to, the way she nipped her lower lip when she was uncertain, how her hands waved in the air whenever she spoke with the same excitement of her voice, how the delicate features of her face expressed with unique clarity and intensity every feeling she had. Her sharp mind that intrigued him from the very moment he met her and the only surprised him more and more.

Not to mention the gains and advantages she brought to the mission. She improved the lair’s security and the electronic accessories he used. She enhanced the coverage of the comms and eliminated transmissions flaws. For this, she even ranged the city making tests.

Oliver might be disconnected from his human side, but he noticed the looks of admiration she casted his way whenever he worked out. The first time she caught him doing the salmon ladder was sealed with fire in his mind. He perfectly remembered the blush that took over her cheeks and spread to her chest, which had made him wonder for a second – a delusional and totally uncharacteristic second for the archer – how far it went on her body. He remembered her stuttered words, the gaze that sometimes slipped down to his naked torso no matter how much she tried to keep it in his face.

She didn’t look at his scars with pity or shock, contrary to Helena and McKenna. She didn’t look at them with indifference either, as if they were nothing. Not, Felicity looked at his marks the right way: as part of him.

Since then he made the habit of exercising without shirt whenever she was around. He particularly left the salmon ladder for those moments. He would never admit he enjoyed having her full attention. Felicity really made an effort to work, but he distracted her. The way she acted when she gazed at him was weirdly… adorable.

He secretly loved distracting her.

Felicity was sunshine illuminating that dark, cold underground. A light that welcomed him after he came back from missions and that enveloped him, pulling him towards it, towards hit, bringing him gentleness and warmth. A light he became used to and here and then he found himself looking forward to feel. She worried about him and made him feel cared, which absolutely stunned him. He was so damn repressed the thought of someone caring whether he lived or died was unnatural. He fought it, but welcomed it.

And now Oliver would have nothing of that again.

He felt a stab in his chest, constricting his heart, aching. What the hell was happening to him?

He was terrified of his intense reaction, what it meant, that it could reveal things about him he had forgotten or maybe actually had never truly felt. Parts of himself he didn’t know still existed or discover new part he never thought he had. So he did what he did best and locked all he felt away.

 _Felt._ Oliver’s world tilted. He actually _felt_. Years of learning how to shield himself, to compartmentalize to the point of successfully building an impenetrable emotional fortress, years of numbness and detachment from the world… And now he was in touch with his emotions again and they all made him feel twisted inside.

And Felicity was responsible for this.

When this thought crossed his mind he got even more scared.

Suddenly Oliver was balancing on the edge of a cliff that called him, claimed him with an unspoken force and he refused to fall in any way. He was falling in a bizarre spiral of confusion and feelings and-

And nothing mattered, he told himself. Especially considering Felicity would no longer be there. _Which was good_.

Still, he felt as if a piece had been ripped off him. Oliver had pieces of himself ripped during the last years, but this one… It brought a sense of emptiness he’d never imagined.

All because of the last weeks. He had gotten used to Felicity in an incredible way. And it had happened so naturally.

Oliver was unable to get the distraction he wished for tonight. He left and only came back to the lair two days later. He took the time off to strategize, to process and set of a course of action now that he knew his mother’s illicit activities.

Or that was what he told himself.

Oliver couldn’t deny those were long, long hours.

But his mission was reaching its climax, and he couldn’t be swept away by personal affairs. They were only distractions.

When he entered he marched straight to the computer. He struggled a bit; he might have a knowledge more vast than an ordinary person, but the new interface Felicity built was at the same time easier to use and different, and he wasn’t familiarized with it. It took a few precious minutes for him to get used to.

He was deep in research when the door opened. He turned his head back, expecting Diggle.

Instead, his body jerked, his chair rolled back and he turned completely to face the newcomer. “Hey,” he said with surprise. And out of his comfort zone. And not knowing what else to say.

His defenses wavered and cracked the moment he set his eyes on Felicity. She disarmed him.

She’d been disarming him from the moment he saw her chewing the red pen. Something told him he’d never forget that pen.

“Hi.” She opened a soft smile. He felt the warmth of the gesture travelling in waves and hitting him. The usual tension on his shoulders of carrying the world’s sins diminished, relaxing his muscles. He took a deep breath unknowingly.

“What are you doing here?” he asked before he could hold himself.

Because she was out.

There was bluntness in his voice he regretted the moment he registered the words. But then he brushed it aside. Felicity didn’t mind his grumpiness. Hell, the one time he tried to intimidate her she shot back at him, calling him on his bullshit and, well… It had been impressive and he might have been in awe.

Felicity stopped to walk towards him and frowned. She wore burgundy flats, form-fitting pants that hugged her thick legs and a sky-blue sweater that looked comfortable. Her hair was up in her trademark ponytail, the strands of gold curling around the end. Her eyes behind the glasses carried power and grace. She wore just a pink lipstick, and he noticed for the first time the glimpse of freckles around her nose. He cursed internally; he shouldn’t be paying attention to her appearance.

“Uh, what do you mean?”

Oliver realized he had to speak out loud. Incredibly he couldn’t make the words come out. He had to force them out. He wasn’t good at all at sharing feelings. There was a side of him that whispered that voicing those words would show them both that he gave too much thought to her absence. Which made him beyond uncomfortable.

The air between got strange. It filled with uncertainty. With tension. What kind of tension he couldn’t say, or maybe he knew and in fact was running away from the admission.

Oliver stood and two steps towards her. Her eyes followed his every move then fixed on his face, his eyes. Felicity looked at him no one else had. She was cute and bubbly, but there was firmness and steel in her eyes that could make her slightly intimidating. She wasn’t intimidated by him, his walls, his standoffish attitude. She stared at him with no judgment, just comprehension and compassion. She stared at him as if _he mattered._ As if she cared about him. _Him,_ the result of whatever was left after the island, after the Hood and the Oliver Queen persona – if the shatters that remained of his soul could actually compose a man.

Sometimes Oliver thought she could see past him, deep into his core. He thought she could see things inside him he couldn’t. Hence why she had let pass the horrible lies he told when he walked into her office. This both shocked and intrigued him at the same time. He thought she could, just with her gaze, reveal everything he was – and he feared finding out.

He drew a deep breath gathering courage. “You said you were in this, in here,” He glanced around briefly, “to find Walter and, well, we found him.” Oliver was not able to remove the hesitant pauses.

Why did she disconcert him so much?

Why did she make him stand still, stay there and at the same time make him want to push her as far away as possible? Deep inside there was a hint of temptation. To get closer and lose himself into her light.

“Oh,” Felicity breathed. “It’s true. I know what I said.”

Oliver felt there was a ‘but’ coming. He wanted to hear the ‘but’. He wanted to because it would remove the weird weight that lodged in his chest. “I feel there’s a ‘but’ coming,” he blurted out, an impulse that was so unlike him. He couldn’t stand her pause any second longer.

He was so cold, calculating and a master of control, yet this tiny, remarkable woman managed to baffle him and mess up his nerves.

It was her turn to inhale deeply. “Something awful is about to happen. I would never feel good with myself turning my back on it.”

His stomach dropped. Right, then she would leave _after_ the Undertaking was neutralized.

Felicity nipped her lower lip and continued, “And… I kind of liked joining your vigilante adventure. I mean, not _kind of_ , I liked. I do like. I love it. It gives me a purpose, makes me feel good I haven’t felt in a long time.” She opened a sincere smile.

Something compressed and at the same time loosened inside Oliver. It wasn’t unsettling. He wasn’t used to hearing the Hood brought something good to someone. That _he_ brought goodness.

“And you said in the hospital I was your friend and I feel the same about you.” Her eyes widened. “Not _feel_ feel. You know what I mean. You are my friend too and this means a lot. Did you actually think I’d walk away and just throw our friendship down the drain?” She cocked her head.

He was lost for words. He just didn’t know she valued him this much.

“You did, didn’t you?” she said with a touch of sadness in her voice. He expected her to walk away before she got in too deep and he tainted and destroyed her. “Here’s the thing, I don’t abandon my friends. You’re stuck with me, Queen.” Amusement danced on her face before she schooled her features and pinched her lips for a second before continuing in a more bashful way. “Unless… unless you didn’t mean it when you said we were friends and you just said that because it was easier to explain what we are to your family-“

“Felicity,” he interrupted, once again amused by her word vomit. “Yes, I mean every word. We are friends.”

The sparkle in her eyes that originated from his words was worth it. “So… I would like to continue with you, I mean, the team,” Felicity concluded. “If you allow me, of course.”

How could he not? Over the last couple of days he was having a hard time picturing a life without her. “Sure,” he simply said.

The dread he’d been carrying for the last forty-eight hours became undone. Oliver even felt like smiling. It was an impulse that always surged whenever she was around. Those smiles came out easily, as smiles should be, and not at all resembling the forced ones he used every day with his mask.

Maybe this was why he came back so many times to her office seeking help. The sincerity she awoke inside him was refreshing.

“You can stay as long as you want.”

“Until you decide enough is enough. Until your mission is over and you retire your bow and arrow,” she stated with such certainty.

Oliver had never stopped to think about the end of his journey, if there was one to be honest. His sins were nearly endless. Atonement was not an easy path and he was hell bent on following it. But just this once, just for a tempting moment, he carefully allowed himself to wonder what it would be like, when it would be. What lied beyond the hood? Was life still possible for someone like him?

Would Felicity still be there?

Then the moment passed and he shot it down the seed of hope, locking it away deep inside. What-ifs were distractions he had no right to wonder about.

He blew his chance of having a life a long time ago. All he had now was survival and trying to use his gift for destruction for a good cause.

Still, regardless of where his path took him, he absolutely liked that Felicity would be there by his side.

Suddenly he couldn’t see himself doing this, any of this, without her. Thinking of the last months and of everything she did, everything she was, Oliver felt a wave of gratitude invading him. For her support, her company. He wanted to explicit it. That she was important and special, that he cared about her when he shouldn’t and he knew, yet could no longer control – if there had been any sort of control in first place. Felicity was a partner he never planned on having. But the words didn’t come. _Man up, for fucking sake._

“Felicity…” he finally spoke, enjoying the softness the word left, savoring it in his tongue. Her name tasted delicious, refreshing, an aphrodisiac. He loved saying her name. “I, er, thank you.” He let out a sigh. “The last missions wouldn’t have been the same without you. You are truly remarkable.”

“Uh, thank you.” She blushed.

They stared at each other for a moment. She took one step closer, and Oliver’s pulse jumped. “I actually like this cold, rusty place. It could use a little sprucing though. A cool design for the Hood Cave.”

“Don’t call it that,” he grumbled. She giggled in return, wiping the annoyed expression of his face as if it had never existed. He stared at her in awe. He wished he could bottle that sound and her shine and distiller an elixir from them. An elixir of happiness. _Felicity._ No one had been named so right.

Felicity stopped laughing and took another step, ending the distance between them. For a millisecond, he tensed, his instincts flaring, his body no longer fully used to human touch, innocent, human-like touch. But this was Felicity and she exuded something that made him react like no one else. He actually welcomed her closeness, her proximity. He sighed, calming his muscles. She smiled ever so soft and sweet, then raised a hand and rubbed his arm, soothing, comforting. His skin came alive, tingles originated from there and spread through his body and soul. So much in such a tiny gesture. She supported him, trusted him, she was loyal to him. They were so different, extreme points of an spectrum, yet there were so many similarities. She mirrored him. Her strength was one of a kind and matched his own.

His breath hitched in his throat. Their eyes so locked. There, encapsulated in a bubble, their bubble, her touch was so welcoming, so amazing he thought of more. He wanted more.

He shouldn’t want more.

He shouldn’t be thinking how she would feel wrapped around him. How the soft curves of her skin would feel pressed against his hard edges. He shouldn’t be wondering about her taste.

For the first time the thought of her lips against his struck him and tilted his world out of the axis.

A wave of heat arose and he used every ounce of self-control to keep his body from reacting. He quickly shot down his betrayer of imagination, eradicating every emotion and thought. He would never dwell on them. All of this… was just a relapse. Once and forever gone.

“So… What were you doing?” she asked trying to escape the sizzling tension. She stood on her tip toes to peek behind him and her hair brushed his face. He couldn’t pinpoint the smell, but it was refreshing and inviting and it screamed Felicity.

He explained. He briefly told her about his thoughts about his mother.

“Same reason why I came here, researching,” she said. “Oh, and also to pick up the chain of the purse I used at the casino. I removed off the purse before we left,” she explained seeing his confused expression.

The memories from the casino rushed through his mind more times than he wished. She looked gorgeous, the slit on her dress, revealing a creamy, toned thigh he would never forget, the open back he brushed against his will when he guided her towards the place. The smoothness of her skin behind his fingertips that for a moment became the focus of his entire world. His worry before she walked into the devil’s lair, the guilt for allowing an innocent woman mingle with the worst of the city. The dreadful fear that crawled into his core when she was captured, so strong and intense like he never felt before, so much it made him spiral for a minute. _He could’ve lost her that day._ He had pushed it all away, claiming he needed to keep his mind cold and sharp, but in fact he wanted to lock away the intensity of his reaction to her being in danger. The wave of emotions had been more than he could bear, he could process.

She squeezed his arm, bringing him back to the present, then she released him and passed by him. With Felicity settled on the computers, Oliver knew she’d do a much more thorough research than him, so he decided to squeeze in some target practice.

The sound of the computers, Felicity’s fingers hitting the keys, her occasional humming and the whoosh of arrows flying around filled the atmosphere with calmness. Oliver never thought the symbol of his atonement could be peaceful, but there he was. He couldn’t describe it another way.

Once Felicity was done, she jumped out of the chair and walked towards him. As they discussed plans for following his mother to find out further what she knew, Felicity removed one of his arrows of the bull’s eye and twirled it in her fingers, and the image distracted him of the unsettling feeling of his mother being involved in despicable things.

She stopped playing with the arrow and placed it down, then walked back to her domain and grabbed her stuff.

“Heading home?” he asked.

“After a quick stop to Big Belly Burger, yes.”

His lips trembled with a smile and he shook his head. Felicity and her love for food.

He didn’t want her gone just yet. Though there was no logical reason for this, since they established she’d stay on the team. Permanently.

Felicity stopped and turned to him, her ponytail waving in the hair. “What about you? Feeling hungry?”

Was… was she asking him to join her? “I could eat something. Mind if I join you?” The question left his lips before he could register it. This was not him, who thought his every meticulous move, who calculated every action and word.

Amusement colored her features. “Yeah, that was why I asked if you were hungry. You had a rough patch lately. Nothing like good old grease to cheer you up.”

Her heartfelt smile made something drop in his chest. Nervousness lighted his nerves. It was just the two of them, sure, but it wasn’t something ordinary. They were friends. Friends went out for a bite.

When they walked into the diner, Oliver remembered the first time he met Felicity there. Back then she was just an acquaintance and he was a little confused when he saw the text she sent him. Then he wondered for a brief, stupid moment if she had asked him on a date. He remembered how much out of place he felt, but that night ended up cementing what a partner she unexpectedly became.

Their dinner was relaxing. Oliver didn’t need to act the playboy heir, he didn’t need to engage in pointless conversation, he just needed… to be. Felicity commanded the conversation, but neither minded. He loved watching her talk and witnessing her sharp mind working. They bantered back and forth, and Felicity didn’t pass the opportunity to sass him. Tonight just straightened their friendship.

It wouldn’t be crazy to think she was becoming his best friend.

When they left Big Belly Burger, instincts made Oliver want to escort her home, but his mind whispered it would look like something else and faster than light he suffocated the idea. Still, the thought of something happening to her with him away unable to help gutted him.

“Thanks for joining me,” Felicity said, curving the corner of her lips.

“Anytime.” And he meant it. No matter where or when, if she asked he’d be there. “Let me know when you get home safe, okay? Please.”

“Will do.” Casting him a dazzling smile, Felicity approached him and rendered him speechless by standing on her tiptoes and planting a kiss on his cheek. Her plump lips landed partly on his skin, partly on his stubble and they were soft and perfect.

She lingered for only a couple of seconds, but if felt like forever for him.

“Whoops. Sorry.” She chuckled. He wondered why she was apologizing when she lifted her thumb and cleaned the lipstick stain she left. “Thought my lipstick was gone after the Double Double.”

Stunned, heart beating a little faster, he watched her leave as his skin buzzed with her mark.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! Let me know what you think ;)


End file.
